One of the funny things about having grown up in the era before the internet is that some things that were absolutely normal when you were growing up are now a world away from the experience of people today. It’s like that old internet meme showing a cassette tape and a pencil and saying “are you old enough to understand the relationship between these two objects”
It struck me the other day that one of the things that has disappeared into the mists of days past was the magic of love letters. There was always a real magic about having something tangible to hold in your hand – something written by your special person, something you knew they,d probably laboured for hours over just to bring you delight, something absolutely unique and personal with your name on the front and their handwriting.
Old-fashioned love letters also have a permanency that modern alternatives just don’t have. You can hold them in your hand and pore over them. You can gather them together as an ongoing sign of a relationship. You can even shred or burn them in a fit of pique or as a tangible demonstration of broken moments….
Most importantly, they (usually) remain there to be rediscovered long after the date. Perhaps, years into a relationship, as a reminder of how things started and the initial excitment of those first tenative steps. Maybe a reminder of where your first in-jokes and strange expressions first came to life. Or maybe just a heartfelt reminder of people who are lost to time, to events or the frailty of human flesh. My Mum was sorting out a box of old papers and found a set of letters written by my (late) Dad more than 6o years ago when they were ‘first courting’ – and I’m sure I’ve bot a box of similar letters somewhere, or at least I hope I do.
The immediacy of modern instant messages or emails mean they are not the same. If you write 160 characters, or just a few sentences, then the emotions conveyed are very different – often just in the moment as part of an ongoing conversation or top of the head stuff. While with letters you knew you had to write enough to make it a proper read (or at the very least to justify the cost of a stamp!) so you often dug deeper into your heart to *really* say something, or at least to be absolutely clear about what you wanted to say, as you couldn’t clarify what you were saying over ongoing exchanges. In the same way, you could never be quite sure when and where the letter would be read so you took that little bit more care to be sure your thoughts landed just as you wanted them to.
Probably the saddest thing about modern instant messages or emails is that, although you think they’ll always be there, they are surprisingly impermanent.
You just need to drop a phone one time too many, or upgrade without thinking too hard, or even just press the wrong button and suddenly a whole conversation with a person, perhaps stretching over years, is suddenly lost forever like tears in rain.
There’s nothing left to pick up and treasure, years after the fact. Nothing to suddenly discover and bring a smile to your face, or a tear to your eye. It’s just gone, lost in the ether forever.
Maybe it’s time to pick up a pen again and create some lasting magic. I know if I received a love letter tomorrow and would be surprised, but absolutely delighted…